What is so powerful about sharing your story?
Many people underestimate the benefits of sharing circles. Most commonly they object to sharing their pains and struggles in front of a large group of people, most of them unknown. The public character of such endeavour leaves many of us in sheer terror. It is painful enough to open our hearts up in front of one person, let alone ten or twenty.
The fear of public embarrassment or rejection is too big for many of us.
However, the benefit of doing so is in some respects ten fold the benefit of a one to one session.
Finding the courage to open our hearts in front of so many strangers has a transformative effect. It helps us own our story no matter how bad, no matter how embarrassing. It is a way of claiming our birth right to be loved and accepted the way we are, without having to pretend, please or embellish ourselves. It is an act of dignity.
What can a sharing circle do for you?
All the sharing circles I experienced met such authenticity with recognition and compassion. The group is there to remind us that we are enough just the way we are. That our imperfections make our humanity, our unique flavour.
By participating in such a group you can understand to what extent we are all hungry for connexion and compassion. Story after story people are received in their vulnerability in a circle of imperfect and many times deeply hurt humanity.
Can a sharing circle make you feel less lonely?
During my many years of living as an expat in Brussels, I was craving authentic connexion.
I was tired of social media, of the perfectly built facades that sell the story of a flawless life.
I was bored out of my mind to attend cocktail parties where well intended but totally disconnected people were reciting the well rehearsed story of their success, with the countless number of diplomas and important jobs or projects.
I was fed up feeling inadequate in my pain for the simple reason that I seemed to be the only one struggling.
Our culturally enhanced tendency of showing only the bright side of our life creates a feeling of loneliness and disconnect. It increases our feeling of being broken and inadequate.
All the other people seam to keep it together very easily compared to us.
Guess what? That is not true!
If you participate in a sharing circle you realise that we all struggle under our beautifully built facades. One by one, participants share the failures that led to their success. They share their struggle and fears and by doing so they affirm their humanity.
Not that being human should equal struggling, quite on the contrary. However, success without happiness is the ultimate failure.
We cannot be happy if we think we are lovable and acceptable only when we succeed, only when we do something extraordinary, only when we are perfect. Life means growing, it keeps pushing us beyond our comfort zone.
Life means continuous learning and there is no perfection when we learn new things. All we can do is to strive to do our best, and to find the beauty of life in that process.
The healing power of sharing circles
I participated in many sharing circles but the most powerful one was during a retreat many years ago. The group was struggling to find the power of authenticity that is required for deep healing when one participant bravely stood up.
She shared her story of being a victim of rape. Like at a signal, one after another, two other ladies stood up and joined in that story. Out of a sudden they were not alone anymore. They were not the shameful victims of rape anymore. They were just hurt human beings that were supporting each other in their vicissitude.
The truth will set you free!
We have all heard this phrase but few of us have experienced its healing power. Speaking our truth , loud and clear in sharing circles helps us deal with one of the most difficult emotions that we experience as human beings: shame.
Further resources
Reach out: Do not hesitate to leave a message below about this text, about your experience with sharing circles or any question you might have about them.
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If you would like to know more about me, my stories and my work, check me out at Home – Dana Iliescu (dana-iliescu.com)
Learn more about shame and how to deal with it by watching this TED Talk by leading author and researcher Brene Brown.
